Wednesday, October 10, 2012

BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!


I WILL SHOUT THIS MESSAGE UNTIL IT SINKS IN:


As an unapologetic feminist, I cannot fathom how ANY woman could support Romney.
He is ANTI WOMEN. 

All women are a sisterhood, no matter race, religion and political affiliation. AND we are the majority in this country. WE have the power, if we'd just band together and USE it. 

Unfortunately our President wants so much to be 'liked', he is not using his power and

THE FREAKIN' FACTS to blast Romney and his sidekick.
They wouldn't recognize the truth if it bit them in the backside. Romney sent the jobs to China and made millions doing it.

Yes, I'm upset and scared that we will turn in to a total fascist country if the Tools get elected; and women will be back on the knees scrubbing floors and 'obeying'.

I have to go find my chew stick and calm down......

Sunday, September 2, 2012

ANTI AGING WITHOUT SPENDING A FORTUNE.....

I've read ads for anti-aging creams , serums and such, ever since I turned 50. 
What I've discovered, and this is not secret; they are expensive and work minimally. 

People tell me I have a beautifully complexion. 
Yes, some of it is genetics, but today, I'm sharing my secret! 

[sound of applause......]
 

Years ago, the product was a little more expensive, but now it's practically free.

California Beauty Aesthetics Botanical Facial Peel!

http://www.amazon.com/California-Beauty-Aesthetics-Botanical-Facial/dp/B001BIN3MC


Let me know how it works for you, but I'm betting it will show!

 

Easy to use, no strong stink. Life is good....

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

MINX, PUMAS, COUGARS, OH MY!

I have a friend who just turned 60 and refers to herself as a cougar.

Really?

She insists that you’re a cougar until you turn 65.

Really? I don’t think so. She damned good looking for her age, but…. no man in his 20’s or 30’s would ask her out, even it if were just for sex [especially just for sex]. Let’s face it, a sexual encounter is easy to get.

So as an ex-project manager that I am, I did some research and this is what is commonly accepted:

           Minx  =  20’s
           Puma  =  30’s
           Cougar  =  40’s
           Sabertooth  =  50’s and beyond…

I agree with most of this; it makes sense, except I’d stretch the cougar state to 40 thorough 59, but when you hit 60, you are definitely a Sabertooth.

So what exactly is the difference between and cougar besides the age difference?

Glad you asked! A cougar is a woman in the 40’s or so, looking for a sexual hookup [which is not bad] with a younger man. She’s not really looking for commitment or anything beyond red-hot monkey sex [again, not bad].

Cougars seem to be [but not always][ looking for validation of their sexual attractiveness. Let’s face it, a man is attracted as long as the woman doesn’t scream or mace him. So, what wrong with a fling? NOTHING!

Sabertooths will date younger men, men their own age or older men. There just doesn’t seem to be that quiet desperation attachment to them that you sometimes see in cougars.

Oh, please, stop saying bullshit. Case in point, just look at ‘Desperate Housewives’ or ‘Housewives of anywhere.” Now that’s desperation, quiet or not!

Peace, my Sisters!

Monday, July 16, 2012

ONE WOMAN'S OPINION...

As an unapologetic feminist, I cannot fathom how ANY woman could support Romney.
He is ANTI WOMEN. If you do not care about your rights, then think about your daughters and their daughters rights in a country without PLANNED PARENTHOOD, absolutely no abortion even in cases of rape or incest. And so much more. 
You don't have to believe me, but look up his speeches and see that he is no more than a fifth century zealot. 
All women are a sisterhood, no matter race, religion and political affiliation. AND we are the majority in this country. WE have the power, if we'd just band together and USE it. 
Think about it.

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

GOOD JOB! ...to infinity and beyond….

I was visiting a local attraction up in the Rockies [okay, so it was a Steam Engine train, which I’m crazy about] on Saturday with my husband and had to use the 'facilities'. Okay, so the stage for our little drama is set.

From the stall next to me, came “Good Job!”

Then no more than five seconds later, “Good Job!”

When it happened for the third time, I have to admit, I was thinking, WTF?
Surely she’s not doing that to a child, about a simple bodily function.
Well…… maybe she has a shy bladder and she’s just encouraging herself….Yeah, okay, that’s probably it; a bit weird, but okay…

Then I heard the stall door open, the faucet turn on, then off and the sound of paper towels dispensing. Each task was followed by “Good Job!”

I just stood in my stall waiting for them to leave, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the look or horror I had on my face.

Oh, shut up! I know it’s not any of my business, but I suddenly had a strong regret for not going into psychology for the millions of kids who would grow up to need therapy because of this kind of bullshit.

I get the whole building Self Esteem thing, but does an empty parroted phrase ‘good job’ actually do that? No, I do not believe it does and/or ever will. This is building unrealistic expectations for adult life.

How about simply NOT judging. I not advocating to never reprimand your spawn, you certainly should. My dad just had to give me ‘the look’ and I stopped cold in my tracks, yet I hear mothers say over and over again, ‘We don’t do that’. Well, mom, one of YOU is doing that.

I’ve seen kids bite and slap their moms with the same, ‘stop that’ crap. I cannot imagine what kind of adult these moms think they are raising.

Instead, lead by example, and teach your children one of the truest statements ever uttered: Some you win, some you lose and some are rained out. I’d have that tattooed on my chest, but there’s no room with the battleship and all……

As some ad I heard on television said: ‘When do you earn a trophy just for showing up?’ I don’t know what they were selling, but the thought is valid [except for T-ball]. Babies all deserve trophies, and to wear baseball hats backwards.

You know what makes a child feel like a failure? It’s not the losing, it’s been told your whole life that you can do anything you set your mind to, and THEN failing.
Would that destroy the child? Probably not, but they sure as hell would wonder about YOU and their bogus value structure.

But, if you reeeally want it more than anyone else, and you reeeally  try….. you say.

No. No, no, no, no! A one legged man will NEVER win an ass kicking contest and the Octomom will NEVER marry Prince Harry.

It’s a fact. Believe it.

Your child IS a very special, one-of-a-kind personage; just like everyone else.
And that’s not a bad thing.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

I HAVE NEW NEIGHBORS!


A couple of months ago [about 7:00pm], the sound of bass came pounding through the air with the force of the Bay of Fundy. I shrugged and gave it thirty minutes or so, then walked next door.

I explained to the young woman (in a sari) that her bass was rattling my dishware. She said she would turn it down, and I left. She did turn the music down, but the bass was still pounding.

Okay, they just moved in— so I thought I’d give them a break. After several hours, I realized that no one could have the bass that loud and not know it, so when the clock struck ten, I called the police. Actually, I believe I showed great restraint. Hooray for me.

The police did their duty and the music stopped. Ah, sweet bliss! Then much to my surprise, five minutes later, there cam a loud knock on my door.

“I am your new neighbor, Doctor…. (let’s call him Dick). I understand my music is bothering you,” he frowned with his chin held high.

“It’s not the music; it’s the bone-pounding bass. I thought head-bangers had moved in.” A little levity should relieve the uncomfortable situation, I thought.

“I have a new stereo system and I have to get used to it.”

“Cool, just turn down the bass,” I said figuring we were through, but nooooooo.

“If it’s too loud, just come over and tell me. No, isn’t that easy?”

“Apparently not. I asked your wife to turn it down and three hours later I had to call the police.”

“It’s a new system. It took me a half a day just to figure out how to turn on the television,” he said in a weirdly smarmy manner.

“Really? It took my lab puppy about three second to learn how to turn on the television, by accidentally stepping on the remote.” Well, I thought it was funny.

“I’m a doctor!” he said in a huff.

“And your point, is?” I was growing weary his attitude by then.

“I’m a doctor and I work much longer hours than you do….”

“Oh, don’t even go there,” I said as I felt my blood pressure rising. “You have no idea of what hours I work.”

“Ten o’clock is very early for a weekend party, and we have a lot of parties, you’ll just have to…..”

“I don’t give a shit if you party like its 1980 seven by twenty-four, as long as I don’t have to hear it. What part of this is not clear to you?”

“I’m a doctor and I’ve worked with old people like you, and I…” he began in a high-pitched voice.

“Well, I work with several pompous Brahmans like you and the only reason they’re even in this country, is that they work cheap.” I know, I know, it was a cheap shot, but he deserved it for the 'old' crack.

“I have the right to enjoy my music!”

“Agreed, but your rights end where mine begin. Dude, just keep your damned bass down or I’ll have to call the police. It’s as easy as that!”

With that, I closed the door on Dr. Dick.

Apparently, he finally read his stereo instructions, because I haven't had to 'make the call' again, and he's had several cars in front of his house almost every weekend. 

After writing this, I do feel a bit had about the whole situation, but more than the music, it was the man's undeserved air of superiority that really pissed me off. I don't care if you are a butcher, baker,  candle maker or doctor, we're all on this ride together, so let's give each other a little consideration.

Now, I feel better. 

PEACE!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Dark Side of BLOGS...


If you follow and contribute to any blog, eventually you will find that there’s always a pompous ass in the mix; a know-it all, a troll who thinks they are the smartest one on the web… period.

How can we make them play nice, or if necessary, shut them up?  Okay, so I say them, but usually it’s a him. Don’t know why, I’m just reporting the facts as I see them. And, yes, I am painting with a very wide brush.

But you have to be careful lest you become just another pompous ass. Just for clarification, I AM NOT a pompous ass - I am a pundit. See the difference? Yes, I know you would. Okay, back to the topic.

Once on a writer’s blog, it seems that I offended a cockney head-banger, and he kept after me, one insult after another. Then he made the mistake of referring to me as a tart [and not the yummy, pastry kind].

Rather than get in to a battle of insults, I played the ultimate STFU card with:
“Oh, Lambchop, don’t judge all women by your wife.” He stopped and never bothered me again.

Now, before I hear how mean I was… many writers thanked me for shutting him up. I know, I could have just called him a ‘Poo-poo head’, but he was escalating, and I was pissed. Actually, I consider my response quiet constrained and clever.
So, maybe I am a little pompous; such is the personality of a writer.

He was a cyber-bully, and as with all bullies, you have to make them stop, and not take the abuse. Is it really that easy? [still painting with a wide brush]; YES.

Peace, and if that doesn’t work; get ‘em!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

When you travel outside the US… DON’T BE THE UGLY AMERICAN

Strive to be a ‘local’ everywhere you go. I’m serious; you’ll have a much better trip, better memories and a hell of a lot more fun. I know it’s hard for some to understand that most parts of the world aren’t very fond of us, but it’s true. So no chanting, “We’re number one”, because I doubt that we are anymore.

Make eye contact, smile and say ‘hello’ in whatever language that’s proper. I know, I know… we speak English, so everyone should. Fact: some don’t, some don’t want to, and some do, but won’t admit it. Get over it. Let’s try to change the world’s perception of us, one tourist at a time.

Yes, it will freak some people out, but I found out early on that you just DO NOT SPEAK to anyone when visiting Manhattan. God, don’t smile or even make eye contact, or you’ll probably be met with a string of swear words worthy of a dockworker.

True story! We were in South America and a small child was selling sodas, and an old man from the mid west (US) was trying to barter with a five year old. I butted in (before my husband could stop me) and asked what he expected to accomplish by his behavior. He said, “They won’t respect you if you don’t barter.” She could not have been more than five years old, for Gods sake.

I turned to his wife and said, “You know your husband is an idiot, right?” And she said, “I know, God, how I know.”  The whole thing was lost on him.

Bartering with a baby. Really?   When you travel, please don’t be a dick!

Love, Peace and RESPECT!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

JUST GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS, WAITING TO DIE....…


A dear friend sent me a joke with a picture of a woman about 60+, holding a cell phone, looking very confused, followed by texting codes with their meanings. Things like:
                
           ATD:    At The Doctor's
           BFF:    Best Friend Fainted
           BTW:   Bring the Wheelchair
           BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
           LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
           LOL:     Living On Lipitor
           LWO:    Lawrence Welk's On
           WTFA:  Wet the Furniture Again
           WTP:    Where's The Prunes?

I fail to see the humor in assuming that people over… say 55 are non-technical, confused and/or useless.

Old farts are 'old' mainly because they accept being old. They're over medicated, standing in line to get their 10% off that crappy cup of coffee, or just sit around waiting to die. Is it inevitable? Oh hell, no!

We are doing some of it to ourselves. And from my observations, it is definitely regional - just a few examples:

Omaha, and the entire mid-west:

Women ~ wash/wear perms, house-dresses and rocking chairs on the front porch.

Men ~ suspenders with belts, overalls, plaid shirts buttoned all the way up. [Lord have mercy!]

Any place called SUN CITY, WEST of Kansas:

Women ~ bluish hair and brown nails, teased/lacquered hair.
Men ~ poofed/lacquered hair. [androgyny makes me nervous]

Any place EAST of Kansas:

Women ~ Same hair color as in high school, teased/lacquered;    the further east you go, the darker the hair. Way too heavy makeup, jewelry, perfume. Kinda’ of a Jersey Shore retirement snapshot. [Ewww - just puked a little!]

Men ~ hair dyed dark, along with mustache and eyebrows; everything except the prominent nose hair. Sox of any kind with sandals, or dark dress sox with white tennis shoes.

Yes, I am painting with a very wide brush, and there are always exceptions, but these are my perceptions.

Personally, I prefer the European elderly; aging gracefully, walking everywhere and being useful until the day they die.

We cannot refrain from dying, but we can resist decrepitude!

Love, Smile, Dance!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

IT HAPPENED AGAIN!


 … some mook on television said: ‘hamburger meat’.
WTF?

Yes, you’re right, that’s just one more thing that pisses me off, unless you are under 5 years old, and then your parents and grandparents have done a miserable job in your upbringing.

But wait! There’s more, and I know for a certainty that you also have some, so confess and get them out in the open. Maybe we, as a country can eliminate this kind stupidity. I will post more as I hear them, and go off once again.

Hamburger Meat
Are there hamburger cars, or hamburger clouds, boogers, arms, shoes or hair conditioner?

Tuna Fish              
Don’t even get me started. However, some of these can be very funny; funny but lewd.

“I’m about to lose it!”      
Hold on a minute, I want to get some popcorn so I can watch.

“Don’t be a hater!”          
Either you are 10 years old or you watch Jersey Shore [which is even worse].

“Failure is not an option”          
PULEASE stop quoting movies and especially Forrest Gump and/or Yoda. Those ships sailed, long ago.
And by the way, of course it’s an option! At times, it’s even a certainty.
Not that you’d deliberately take it but sometimes, as hard as it is to accept, you are NOT the center of the universe with all control over everything.
That’s why the phrase, “Ah, crap!” was invented. [yes, I cleaned it up]

“Anything is possible!    
No its not. Even if I take a job as a lab assistant in a nuclear lab, and poke the radioactive spider long enough that he bites me, I will NOT become SPIDER WOMAN [do-do-do-doooooooo!]

Well, yeah, but anything is possible within reason. Yeah? What is the criteria for ‘within reason’? Queen of Canada? Gold medal in the Olympics at 70 years old and decrepit?  Oh, so all of those are NOT within reason.

Wow, this is harder than I thought. Okay, so how about, I’m a really good actress, all my teachers said so, yet I’m not in the movies. That sounds do-able doesn’t it? AND my whole family worked in Hollywood. Still ‘not within reason?’

Now I get it! Anything THAT IS EASY is possible; finally something we can all agree on.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

DOOR-to-DOOR CHRISTIANITY


TYPICAL SCENARIO

“I’ve come to share the good news of Jesus Christ…”

           I know Jesus. He’s a very important part of my life.

“Jesus died……”

           I really do know.

“Jesus came to bring….:

           I’m a Druid. [I close the door]


BETTER SCENARIO, which never happens, but should…

“If you don’t have a home church, I’d like to invite you to come and visit__________.”

           Thank you very much.  I will consider it.

Nice, huh? I probably will not go, but at least I’m not pissed off.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

HAS AARP SOLD OUT COMPLETELY?

From what I can tell, YES!

I came across a questionnaire that AARP sent out, “so my voice could be heard”, but the questionnaire was pure BULLSHIT. It’s screwed to make it look like we [those past middle-aged] want privatization of the system.

I feel AARP is selling out seniors. From what I’ve read, they’ve had secret meetings behind closed doors to privatize the Medicare/Social Security systems, so they, in turn, can sell us overprices insurance!  

Read the questionnaire I found….
Crap! I had to delete the entire questionnaire due to a stiff copyright claim.

I may not be allowed to print their questions, but I can print my responses. You’ll get the idea.

PULEASE go to the AARP website and see the questionnaire itself:   

https://action.aarp.org/site/SPageNavigator/youve_earned_your_say_questionnaire.html

The questionnaire starts out okay, but…. it is freakin’ biased!
I would think that something that went out to all AARP members wouldn’t need to be copyrighted. Hell! No one is going to make a movie out of the damn thing!

1.        Any answer except “A” seems to state that we are unhappy and either want or need a change.
          
           I do not trust my government to start changing Social Security or Medicare. Some have advocated privatization for decades, which means WE THE PEOPLE, would be screwed.

2         Any answer except “A” says we are unhappy want/need a change.3 out of the 4 answers say the system is broken. Medicare and/or Social Security is working well, and is NOT OUT OF MONEY.

3.        This is a real tricky one. You DO get more than you’ve contributed if you live to a ripe old age; that’s a fact. However, if you die before retirement, then you wouldn’t be reading this, and…. [let’s move on now]

4.        A wickedly misleading question. There are only answers that say we NEED changes. Do you see where these are all going?

5.        The most deliberately misleading question of all! The question infers that   there are changes in the works. There are no changes being made at this time, and won't be unless  they're successful in making it look like we want changes’.  Say ‘NO”, actually say: ‘HELL NO. IT WORKS WELL. - LEAVE IT THE HELL  ALONE!”

6.        This one is like the old joke: ‘Do you walk to work or take your lunch?’
           There is no good answer.
          

SHAME ON AARP! It looks like they’ve sold out and they’re trying to take all seniors with them!


There are some articles you must read, before you lose all your benefits. Once they’re reduced, it’s a slippery slope to gone, and there will be no going back.

www.firedoglake.com has the up to the minute information on everything that’s happening with Social Security and Medicare.

As AARP Abandons Social Security, It’s Time to Step Up Our Efforts



Tuesday, March 6, 2012

WHEN YOUR CHURCH FAILS YOU


Touchy subject, but it needs to be addressed. For the record, I am a heterosexual, married woman.

In this 21st century of recognizable human existence, most, or at least a lot of civilized countries, even churches recognize the common sense of legalizing marriage between human beings no matter what the sexual preference.

YIKES! An attack on God!!!

No, just on small-minded sects and people. A church I used to attend won’t even allow a Blessing of Union [not necessarily the national church, but one particular parish]. We’re not talking about a real marriage ceremony, but just a declaration of love between two people. Does it get more small minded than that?

I confronted the rector about it asking why we weren’t embracing this ceremony. I was told there are people in the church that would be upset about it.

And why you may ask? Economics. Generally, old people have more money to support the church and those same people are afraid of everything, especially anyone different than they are.

A bit harsh, you say? I don’t make the rules; I just report on what I see.

Why, you may ask… again. It seems that 30 years earlier they discovered that their rector was GAY! Oh the horror! Sure, everyone loved him right up until they discovered his dirty little secret.  No understanding, no acceptance; only condemnation, and they’ve held on to it for 30 freakin’ years, and stuck in the judgmental dark ages.

Yes, things are better for Gays than in the 60’s, but BIG WHOOP! It’s not enough. I am for equal rights for ALL, with no qualifications or exceptions.

But what about…. you say. NO EXCEPTIONS. Yeah, it’s sometimes hard to adhere to, but try it; you will be a better person for it.

Peace and Equality for all

Sunday, February 19, 2012

WHAT MAKES a GOOD MARRIAGE?

I’m not a half-full, half-empty kinda’ woman. I’m more of a ‘is it filling up or emptying out, kinda’ woman… but I digress.

Old men with young women. Is it possibly love, or is it money, security… or a father fixation, possibly?

I’m not saying; just asking. With REALLY rich, old guys, it is love. Love of money, security and status. LOL! Come on, a little honesty please!

A rich man is easier to love than a dirt-poor man. Its common sense, as well as human nature.  Every time some girl married a rich, old dude, who reading this hasn’t had the fleeting thought: she’ll be set for life, I wonder what the pre-nup says, or at least he’ll die with a smile on his face… Crude, rude but all too true.

I knew one couple; a man of 50 married a girl 25. He wasn’t rich, good looking or particularly smart, but he was about his fathers height, weight and they both came from a Navy background. I’m hot making any assumptions, only reporting the facts as I know them.

She really seemed to love him. Oh yeah, one more thing: He was extremely controlling and she was more of a slave than a wife.

In the day, a wedding was ‘love, honor and obey’. Yet women made these promises without as much as a thought. Then came the 60’s! Thank God, those days are gone except for some… repressive religious faiths. Those same faiths where women believe it’s a woman’s purpose and duty to bow to the ‘head of the family’ and never question his decisions…. Yeah.

If this concept works for you, you might want to stop reading this blog. This blog is intended for the rest of the sisterhood.

What is the freakin’ point of any relationship that is not built on equality and mutual respect? For me, there is no point.

I don’t buy that a man needs to control his wife, because he respects her and wants to protect her. Bullshit. They are not the same thing. Respect is simply, esteem and admiration.

Marriage should be between two consenting adults [men/women, men/men, women/women] living together in love, with mutual goals.

Too easy? Yes, as it should be. In the end, it’s all about love. And real Love is hard to come by.

Peace!

Monday, February 13, 2012

WHAT YOUNG WOMEN FEAR: Aging…


Sabertooth does not equal Bitch.
It means intelligent, proud and confident; working to teach younger women
NOT to fear the inevitable aging process…..

As a young women in my twenties I was hot, just like most women in their twenties, and I didn’t fear anything. I knew I’d take care of myself and wouldn’t let the whole sagging and wrinkle thing happen to me. No sir; not me!

In my thirties, I was still hot, but it took a bit more exercise to maintain the look.

In my forties, still hot for my age, but requiring more sleep, and a lot more exercise.

In my fifties, it suddenly was different. I was extremely healthy, so I didn't fear the diaper thing, or wheelchair, but the sagging and wrinkles were not in my plan. I am NOT vain, but I do want to take care of myself and if I can maintain my muscle tone and skin appearance, I want to do it.

For me, plastic surgery is out of the question. It scares the hell out of me. Just look at some of your favorite movie stars with regrets… So I started searching for an alternative, and found it quite by accident.

As a Sabertooth [kitty, not gut-ripper] I’ve learned many simple yet effective things that shouldn’t be secrets. And we will explore my absolute favorite in future blogs.
 
Pass along ALL valuable information you come across, my sisters! Pass it on!

Monday, February 6, 2012

Like Butterfly Hunting with a Bazooka...

“That’s ridiculous,” you say. “Don’t use more firepower [if any at all] than you have to”, and you’d be correct.
                  
Okay, so how about taking the simplest project that should require a simple Run Book, with combined forms (covering all that is needed, of course), and turning it into a cacophony of templates that contain mostly headers and little else. IT’S NOT NEEDED!! Quality = fit for intended use. That’s it – nothing more.

So, what’s got me so pissed today? If you've read just about any recent Project Management article, and unless you have a $250 million project, everyone is mandating redundancy upon redundancy when it comes to documentation.

What’s happened to the fun in project management? The
laughing, teasing, story telling, the swearing?  What’s happened to the PM documenting everything that’s needed and no more? Since do PM’s have to use tons of fluff for the sake of ‘look at me, aren’t I great?’ What a sad state of affairs.

Don’t tell me that doesn’t happen. A while back (less than a hundred years) I was looking at a colleague’s Run Book, (always looking for best practices) when I realized that all the forms were there and each one contained one or two lines.

Well now, that’s a bunch of bullshit and a big waste of paper!

So, in looking into the project itself, it was barely medium and a straight up endeavor.
So why all the fluff? Because it looked good on his book shelf with the other Run Books, when in reality, all he needed was about thirty (30) pages; he turned it into a three (3) inch thick binder.

So, what’s my point, you may well ask? When you document your project, make it FIT FOR USE (quality) and not something useless that perhaps makes you look good, until someone (like me) really looks at it. <evil grin>

And yes, I discussed the whole thing with the other PM and he was shocked, I tell you; shocked!

“Well, excuse me for being thorough!” he huffed.

“It’s bullshit and you know it,” I smiled.

“How would you have changed it?” he asked with his chin held high.

“I’d do away with all the cumbersome mostly blank forms and combine them as paragraphs into a document called: Project Management Plan.”

Dead silence as his eyebrows twitched. “It looks more substantial my way.”

“The SOX auditor comes in next week, you know. Let me know what she says.”

Then suddenly, he asked me to sit with him a bit and go over his books…. before next week.

Ah, good times….. good times.

Friday, January 27, 2012

SOMEDAY MEANS NEVER [part deux]


Men watch porn for obvious reasons.
Women watch porn all the way to the end… just to see if they get married!

Karaoke; many people say they love it. I did it once at a Christmas party after one too many cocktails. There were three of us singing ‘Hotel California’. We took an oath to never speak of it again.

This may be something you want and/or need to experience… the lights, music; the crowd. It was great until the booze wore off.  My best advice, if you are a bit shy and still want to do it, just go to another city. It would be worth the drive to abandon your real persona and let go!

And as I always say, ‘You’ll never have to see those people again’.

A friend of mine that worked in Human Resources for a large IT company, came in glowing one morning and told me she just did her first ‘open mike gig’ at a local comedy club. I was dumb founded. She was a really nice woman, but not the least bit funny!

All I could say was ‘Wow!’ She laughed and went on to tell me she’d been taking comedy lessons for about six months. I didn’t even know they existed. I just thought either you’re born funny or not. Who’d have guessed!

I asked her what kind of material she talked about; made jokes about. She said the usual, her husband, the people at work… I could feel my eyes narrowing.
Then she said, “Oh, not you; you’re not funny.” I just nodded and said, “Good to know.”

Why that bothered me, I still don’t know, but when she came by later that day to say she meant ‘not funny’ as in ‘not odd or weird’, I felt better.

“I knew what you meant,” I smiled with a hardy [and relieved] laugh.

My point is that she stepped out of her comfort zone and I applaud her for that. I never went to see her show, just in case it would put ME out of my comfort zone.
Yeah, I know…

So what else… Oh! How about hang gliding, zip line or para-sailing? Ever think about doing any of those things? I have; thought about it, that is. I went para-sailing once and it would wonderful, but not zip line or hang gliding.

I have a mature friend who went on a zip-line in a South American jungle. Sure she dislocated her shoulder and had to fly home, but she has a story to tell and retell for the rest of her life, and those a hard to come by.

Give it a try! Wouldn’t you hate to be old and incapacitated and not be able to do your ‘someday’ thing? Don’t wait - life to much too short.

Clank ‘em like you’ve got ‘em!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Let talk about EYELASH FERTILIZER!

“…Eyelash Enhancement Product…grow long, thick, and full eyelashes….”

Except... it:

  • May stain skin,     
  • discolor your eyes,   
  • cause your lashes to fall out,
  • cause blindness,
 AND, once you stop applying [the product], your lashes immediately go back their original state.

“Oh hell, yes; sign me up for that shit!”  Are you freakin’ kidding me? And there’s are more side effects, but you get the idea.

FACT:
As you age, your eyelashes tend to become thinner and a bit stiff. Most women then just pile on the mascara, leaving them with eyelashes that look more like spider legs. I know this because my daughter told me that one day. I looked in the mirror and damn, if it wasn’t true.

I’m just not the false eyelash type. I just wanted my lush, long, sexy eyelashes back! So, I went on a hunt for a safe, easy, effective answer.

I know that eyelashes are not really ‘hair’ like the hair on your head. They’re classified as more of a fur. Yep, just like on your puppy. But for our purpose, hair if close enough.

ROOT CAUSE ANALYSIS: 
If I had dry, brittle hair, what would I do? Not to hard to conclude, I’d condition it. You could put some hair conditioner on your clean lashes while you’re in the shower, but when I tried this, it got in my eyes and burned like hell. So the search continued….

I tried several things. I remembered that my mother said that she’d used petroleum jelly on her eyelashes then brush them with a clean eyelash brush, when she was a teenager. I tried it only once. Yeah it goes on and brushes nicely, but washing it off so that mascara will stay on, was a bitch!

Something moisturizing, but lighter….  Then I found Shay Butter [not the heavy grease, but the cream [or something like it].  EUREKA!  

DISCLAIMER:
I do not have stock in Shay Butter or represent them in any way.
Every product, routine and scheme claims to be a miracle, but I swear on my Sabertooth kitty paw, that this works for me.

So, I put a light smear on my index finger and applied it in an upward motion on my upper eyelashes, then ‘brush 5 or 6 times’ with a clean, mascara brush from an empty mascara wand. These are very handy to keep around for many uses.

I tried upper and lower at once, and it tended to get in my eyes. Now I do uppers two night a week and lowers… a lot less; about twice a month. No one wants long lower lashes. Picture that; I mean, really, picture that! Creepy…!

In the morning, simply wash it off the same way you normally wash your face, and you’re ready for mascara.

Give it a try and report back here to your sisters!

Mwaaaa!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

TRANSFORMING THOUGHTS...

I've had these 'thoughts' forever. I ran across them again, while looking for something totally unrelated. Whatever, whoever they came from -- kudos!!

Read them; I mean really read them.They are truly transforming. 
  
  • What you expect, tends to happen

  • Imagination is more powerful than knowledge

  • Every thought and emotion has a physical reaction [I feel]

  • Belief programmed will remain until it’s replaced

  • Less conscious effort, the more subconscious mind will respond [I am, not I don’t]

  • Each new program makes later programs easier accept [is it for my best?]

  • Your body will produce what your mind believes

  • Your mind seeks validation for previous beliefs [so expect the best]

 PEACE



Friday, January 13, 2012

A MOMENT OF ZEN….

I was perfectly happy doing long contracts as a Project Manager, but as someone once said: the profession was a changin,. No need to go in to how exactly, most managers of any kind know what I’m talking about.

I had the work, but I was enjoying it less and less, as were most of the project managers I know. I did volunteering with homeless groups in my spare time, wishing I had more.

Then I got a contract with a company I’ll call Wonderland… almost too good to be true. Everyone really liked each other and they only wanted nice people who really liked other nice people… What the heck, I’m a people person; or so I thought.

It didn’t take long to find out that Wonderland wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Yes, the staff or Stepford-Children-of-the-Corn as they turned out to be, are just fine; on the surface. Well, as fine as twisted demons from hell can be, I guess. And nice was a façade covering a ‘I really hate my job, but I’m making a shit-pot full of money, so I’ll just pretend with a big fat plastic smile’.

It’s a funny story that all started about a year ago…

My massive storage development project [I inherited]  was thriving and moving towards the second phase closure right on time. Hooray for us; right? Wrong. It came to light in a great Moses-on-the-mountain moment that the next four phases did not have a chance in hell of making the pull-it-out-of-your-ass deadline.

My decision was to alert the corporate relationship manager. He simply said to make it work and don’t tell the client.

Ah, postpone bad new and make it worse, I thought to myself.

What about the weekly report with bogus dates? I asked innocently.

“Go with the old dates”, came the answer.

“Ya’ know, being a credentialed project manager and generally an honest person… I’m  really not comfortable with deliberately misleading the client,” says I.

“It’s not misleading! It’s more like you’re just not telling the client all the material facts.”

“And just how is that different than misleading?”

“Just go with the old dates,” I was told firmly.

Rather than overtly lie, I prefaced my report with, ‘as per the schedule’… I wasn’t proud of it but I took comfort in the fact that I wasn’t really lying… I needed the job and I was making a shit-pot full of money….

So, just about the time I convinced myself that we’d somehow break the news to the client and everything was going to be okay, the unthinkable struck. We found out that project-wise, the Queen Mary just fell through the cracks.

No sign -off’s by those who should have known? No, all the signatures were in place.

Weak business requirements?
 Don’t know, I took the project over a year and a half in and it was made clear that I did not own the relationship, the corporate relationship manager did.

Then what?
Maybe it’s a case of ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’. Unfortunately it happens all too often and there is really nothing you can do, except to have built an open and trusting relationship with your client that can whether bad news.

It’s a good plan, but certainly was not in place on this project (hey, remember I didn’t own the relationship!).

My first thought was gather all the facts, including Risks with possible solution, estimated correction timeline and present it to the client; you know the usual, and go from there.
I left the relationship manager a clear and concise message. He did not call me back, but sent me an email stating that my presence on the project was no long required.

WTF?

It was clear that the corporate policy of ‘lie and deny’ was in full force and effect, and they knew I would be a stumbling block. My feeling is that this is the new age corporate business model.

I cannot… no, will not function that way, so I’m thinking about something different [ideally, non-profit] and only part-time. I can use all my organization, documenting and common sense skills and in some small way, possibly make a difference.

Even when I do go back to work, I will not give up my volunteering.  I really love it, and seriously, the need is great now than ever.    

Peace, Love and Acceptance

Friday, January 6, 2012

FEELING LIKE CRAP?

I know that sometimes it feels like the whole universe is conspiring against you. At least I do. But keep in mind, that is never an excuse to crap on family or friends just to make yourself feel a little better. Did I hear someone mutter 'bullshit'?

Think about it. Its the human-nature-trickle-down [not theory], but reality.
Or the 'bitchiness is catching' paradigm.

Feel like crap? Then go the gym. I'm starting this morning; I swear! I will take it out on the equipment and by summer, I might even get into my not-so-chubby-jeans.

Love ya', mean it!