THE MOVIES!

Sabertooth: when you’ve outgrown and evolved past the cougar stage and boy-toys...

Let’s talk about how ‘the movies’ portray older [s h u d d e r] women….

They generally portray women over 45 as demure and easily shocked.

Then when a woman really gets old [Jessica Tandy], there are parts for them again; sometimes even good parts. But face it, not many.

Of course there are exceptions, Dame Judy Dench, Helen Mirren for example. Oh, and Glenn Close (in Damages). Meryl Streep made movies about older women in a sexual situations (It’s Complicated and Mamma Mia), and I applaud her! 

But! What about Sharon Stone, Sigourney Weaver and Goldie Hawn? All beautiful, funny, and great actors, but I don’t see them burning up the screen anymore. They committed the unforgiveable sin of ‘aging’ [blood curdling scream]!

Let’s talk about Hollywood’s bias towards dirty old men, dating young girls/women, and against women over 50 [it’s really more like 40, but I won’t quibble]. Just for fun, let’s examine some specifics of some asinine dialogue. There are more, but this one really irked me when I saw it.

FLASHDANCE

When meeting her ‘friends’ ex-wife Jessica Beal says, “As a matter of fact... l fucked his brains out,”  to which his ex replies, “Obviously, you did. Charmed, dear.”

Much too gracious for the encounter. The ex-wife seemed embarrassed, excuses herself and slinks away.

She should have laughed and said, “Oh, baby girl… That was accomplished years ago!” Then blew him a kiss and walked away slowly, laughing and shaking her head.

First, the character had no valid reason to be so damned crude, rude and snarky to a woman she didn’t even know. Actually, there was nothing to remotely like about that Beal character, except the dance number with the whole water thing— very cool.

Secondly, her would-be boyfriend was a total dork. Enough said.

Let’s see…

Young, pretty witches are always good, and the old, ugly crones are almost always bad. I’d love to see a sweet attractive old crone and a mean, bitchy young witch. No one would believe it, huh? No, wait—

PRACTICAL MAGIC

with Stockard Channing and Dianne Wiest. They, and that movie are the exception, and that’s the ONLY example I can come up with, and I’ve tried. Of course, Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman were equally brilliant.

We will remain, 'fair and balanced' even if FOX isn't.

Peace!

RULE # 2: The Sabertooth Sisterhood is by, for and inclusive of ALL women

[I swear it’s a true story]:

My distance vision is perfect due to RK years ago on just one eye. The eye surgeon told me that my eyes would then balance things out and I could see perfectly close and far. It worked beautifully. However he did warn me that eventually my close vision would get worse; aging and all that crap.

So it started to happen, either my arms were too short or my up close vision was failing miserably. Contact lenses! Easy enough, and cheap too since I only needed one at a tune for the close-vision eye.

I went to an optometrist out of the phone book [never a good idea].

She had huge, long puffy hair, way too much makeup, perfume and jewelry.

I started my mantra from the moment I walked in: “I will not judge, I will not judge, I will not judge…”

The exam began and still I kept an open mind even through her many sighs and deep breaths. I really wanted to ask her if I was keeping her from something more interesting, but I did not.

Then she said, “I’m sorry I can’t make you any younger.” Yep, that’s what she said. Then I took a deep breath, and another. And then another.

“I didn’t ask to be made younger,” I said making those annoying little quote marks in the air. “Besides, just what would that accomplish?” I asked with a slight smile.

          

“Well, better eyesight!” she snipped. “And you wouldn’t want to be younger?” She actually gasped in astonishment.

          

“No.”

“Why on earth not?”

“Because I wouldn’t have the experience, knowledge or patience to put up with people like you saying totally idiotic things. Now, are you going to get on with the exam, or shall I consider this appointment canceled?”

“I’ll write you a prescription for contacts,” she mumbled and walked out. I hope that was a learning experience for her about Customer Service, but I seriously doubt it. Empathy is a very good thing; condescension is NOT.

        

Please understand, I’m not suggesting we turn in to a roving band of bitches. Merely that instead of simpering and always deferring, we stand proud and speak our minds. We have to change the perception of older women, one instance at a time.

Our message to the world? “They don’t make ‘em like us anymore. Look, observe, listen and learn!”

Peace my sisters!

RULE # 1: Men may come and go, but women are a Sisterhood.

So, anyway… I was in for a haircut the other day and my beautician (about 38) was laughing about her mother (59) wanting to dating and have sex!          

I asked, “Oh, then she’s still alive?”

“Well, yes…”

                     

“Then why wouldn’t she still want red-hot monkey sex?”  There was no reply – just slack-jawed surprise.

          

Men and women of all ages are grossed out by the though of their parents having sex. I for one, am grossed out at the thought of my KIDS having sex. Ewww!

Puppies and kittens…. Puppies and kittens….  Puppies and kittens….

Women have to stop treating other women as if they’re some kind of threat. Most likely, they’re not. And if they are, then put the blame squarely where it belong, on your husband, for whatever reason.

FACT: A woman cannot ‘steal’ a man away. He freakin’ goes willingly, but we generally blame the other woman. I’m not saying I approve of a woman (married or single), dating a married man, but they are not the one that made and broke the marriage vows, now are they...

Twitching tracks here… but my husband and I went to a new steak house the other night and a cute young woman came to the table with two small plates. She smiled and placed them in front of us. The she said slowly… “These are for you appetizers”.

I wanted to laugh, but I just nodded and smiled that I understood, instead.

However, when she asked if she could explain anything to us on the menu, I replied, “No, thanks; we’ve played restaurant before”. Okay, so sometimes I’m a smart-ass, but only when faced with condescension. 

So, what is condescension? Is it just me being sensitive? I don’t think so. My rule for judging condescension is, Would they say/ask that of someone in their twenties? If they answer is ‘YES’, then it not condescension, but if the answer is ‘of course not’, then it sure as hell, is.

Thought? Let me know what you think!

Welcome to the SABERTOOTH SISTERHOOD

Sabertooth:  when you’ve evolved past, and out grown the  

cougar stage and boy-toys. 

Ladies! Okay I get it. The whole red and purple thing; being old and laughing at forgetfulness, weak bladders and muffin tops. Yeah, I get it, but I won’t accept it. When I see a bunch of cackling women, dressed like that, I just feel sad. I see no confidence, pride or zest for life. I just see a bunch of women with a ‘look at me’ attitude, trying very hard to ‘look happy’.

Unlike Ivana who was quoted as saying she’d never look older than 29 as long as a plastic surgeon draw breath. She looks very good, FOR HER AGE, but let’s face it, no one would ever accuse her of being 29. Same goes [went] for Mae West. She too lived under that same illusion.

Looking our very best for whatever age we are, is all you can hope for and/or achieve. So what the hell is my point? We women have to hang together and do not allow ourselves to be marginalized any longer. Oh, you think you’re not?

Let’s run a couple of scenarios and see…..

Has anyone ever said to you: “Well at least you’re still ‘young at heart’” or any other such asinine platitude?

When you go to a new hairdresser, has the stylist every asked you: “Do you just let your hair dry naturally?” They would NEVER ask that of a women in her thirties.

How about: “Do you have access to a computer?” Like it is so far above anyone over the age of 29 that we couldn’t possibly understand such freakin' magic.

The answer is ‘Hell yes, my home is networked and I even have a computer in my kitchen with a couple of thousand of recipes.

The worst is when we do it to each other. Case in point; I went into a national beauty supply store [wearing only clear lip gloss] and started looking at lipsticks [it’s a passion of mine]. A woman about my age came up and said “May I suggest you pick a light orange and a light pink. I carry both in my purse all the time, so I’m always prepared”. I know she was [probably] trying to be helpful, but her slightly condescending smirk that got me.

So… I replied “Oh, is that what these magical things are called. How did you pronounced that again?” She looked confused. “I’ll manage by myself, thanks.” And I swear I said it with a  soft smile.

 

At some point; I don’t know when, we ‘older’ women relinquished our rightful places to the younger ones who sadly revere Paris Hilton, and the whole Jersey crew, and class turned to trash. For some unknown reason, we stopped making eye contact, and quietly went about our business. Who is responsible for this? I believe it’s the fault of the heartland of America. Nebraska to be specific. It seems that once a woman marries, she dons a house-dress, wash-n-wear perms and an obligatory front porch rocking chair. I’m serious; I’ve been to Omaha and it scared the hell out of me.

Well, it all changes today, but I can’t do this myself. We are the woman of Rock and Roll, the 1960’s [give or take a decade]; the women every other generation wishes they were.

They don’t make ‘em like us anymore. Say it, believe it; pass it on.

When you see a Saber Tooth, smile and nod as if we are privy to that all knowing secret: we will not go gently or quietly into the night!

In this column, we’ll discover how to be our very best any age. Not just looks, but health, stamina and yes, even orgasms. We will pool our knowledge and grow from the experience.

I promise we won’t wear hats… but we will make our statement. We are today, forming the SABERTOOTH SISTERHOOD!

Peace and Love, my sisters!