THE ‘DOUCHE’

Every company, club, gym or any group… has one or more of archetype we here in the States call ‘a douche’; which in itself is unfortunate, because a douche bag serves a very useful purpose. Yours may be old or young; male or female. When the day is done, they're all egotistical, narcissistic, self-absorbed, arrogant, pompous, royal pains-in-the-ass.

Allow me to elaborate: too loud, too smiley, pontifical and rambles about theory, concepts and general nonsense. The strange and mysterious drivel falling from their lips is generally 100% erroneous, flawed, incorrect or invalid! The words, "I don't know" have never crossed their lips. They just wing it and like some monkey in a cage flinging poo at the wall in hopes some of it may stick. The claptrap has nothing in particular to do with the question at hand. They always sweep in late, just so they can complain how busy and/or overworked they are. And the most irritating part is that they always do it with a big smile and a sigh. Makes me want to go all “Leather Face” on them! 

Any organized persons knows when acting as a Facilitator (for any endeavor) you say touchy-feely things like, "What I hear you saying is…", but the silly repeats every key point that's made by anyone in a meeting; slowly while nodding in agreement. The assembled crowed rolls their eyes or checks time on their cell phones, while I’m thinking “Fire up the chainsaw!”

Probably the most worrisome trait is how the douche attempts to turn every remark into a sexual double entendre. Now, I work with some very robust and tough women and most are highly skilled in vocal bouts that would make a longshoreman blush. But, damn! Listening to a douche spouting snickering twelve year old boy’s female anatomy jokes, is just embarrassingly stupid.

Most go to their “happy place” and dream of unicorns, puppies and kittens – but all I  hear is the sounds of a revving two stroke engine, a leather mask and maybe a few screams of terror…

I feel much better now. Now, what about those puppies…..