THINGS THAT DISTURB MY CALM...

There are No Problems— Only Opportunities for Success

Well, isn’t that a crock? How as at least partially educated people did we ever come up with that inane philosophy? We really have to stop demeaning ourselves with that kind of thinking.

When you have a problem, put on your big-girl panties and call it what it is; a problem! If at the last minute you wuss-out, at least call it an issue, but never refer to it as an opportunity, or I swear to Starbucks, I’ll hunt you down……..

There is no “I” in Team
And there’s no “I” in ‘fat chance’, ‘really?’ or ‘get bent’. Trust me, I cleaned that one up.

Usually that kind of manipulative crap comes from a sales dork, trying to get you to do ‘a little favor’ – some menial task that they could do for themselves, but are too elite or just plain lazy.

DON’T DO IT! It’s a slippery slope and it’s not easy getting back up that hill, unless you take a chain saw to the user (male or female)….

Case in point: An engineer on a project I was leading (business-as-usual, no big whoop) needed to fly across country for a three day job. He asked me to get him a window seat and a king-size bed because he hated to be cramped. I reminded him I was his manager and not his assistant.

He then went in to a long (and boring) story about on his last job, the manager insisted on doing everything for him. Bering the sensitive person I am, I suggested that possibly that other manager wanted to sleep with him, and then assured him that I didn’t, so he’d have to fend for himself.

Collecting for Charity in the Workplace…

Yeah, this is a touchy subject, so let me explain before you to all Fox on me (referring to the hysterical diva O’Reilly at Fox News).

Before I happened to stumble into my current profession, I ran an office for a national service-type company. A sales dork (hmmm, I see a pattern forming) suggested that we put a large box wrapped in Christmas paper by the check-out desk, so our clients could bring in canned food items for the needy.

I questioned if that was really the place for such an endeavor, to which she replied (and I’m serious): “Well, maybe when they see the box, even if we don’t give them exactly what they want, they might realize that some people are not as fortunate as they are, and not complain.”

Really? Did you get all that? What a self-serving con! And when in your experience have you’ve paid for something, but were willing to take less because some people are less fortunate than you?

I bet her twenty dollars that it wouldn’t work. One month later I collected my winnings standing right next to that empty box [which I dropped in the bucket of the Salvation Army bell ringer].

“I just don’t get it,” she kept repeating. I just nodded and sighed: “I know.”

I'd love to say, once you identify your pain points, they all go away, but they don't. But talking and/or writing about them, helps. Just reading what I just wrote, made me laugh...  Sometimes I'm such a dork! [still laughing!]

BE CAREFUL OF WHAT YOU ASK FOR....

Stand proud sisters; you have knowledge

and experience that money can’t buy

 Once when I was being interviewed, I was asked what I’m looking for in a company. In my in-side-the-head voice say: “I want to make a butt load of money due to my genius, work about 3 hours a day, and have my teams adore and worship me for my knowledge and guts.” But what generally comes out is: “I want to work with nice people…..” And as silly as it may sound, I meant it.

Well I’ll be … I got my wish! The nice people part, not the butt load of money part. Nice people, great surroundings and a decent paycheck. I should be in hog’s heaven, don’t you think? But I’m not.

Root cause analysis time! I ask myself:

What is bothering you? The nice people.

Isn’t that what you wanted? Yes

So what’s the problem? You have nice people, just like you asked.

Wait! Maybe we should define ‘nice’! (Ah-ha, the $3.50 I spent on the coffee while reading a USA Today introspective on proto-analysis is now paying big dividends!)

What is nice? Let’s make a list of nice attributes! After all, we’re highly organized and lists are our life!

Nice is:

People not being deliberate pains-in-the-ass

People who smile appropriately

People to offer help and suggestions rather than demand help

People who can stop working long enough to engage in occasional social banter.

So, are the people ‘nice’?

Yep, they certainly are!

Then what is the problem?

Wait; is there such a thing as being too nice? Ahhh-haaa!

Yes! They smile way too much, yet no one is that happy! Have they missed scheduled medications or just waiting for an opportune time to cook off some crystalline devils dandruff?

Crap, these folks wouldn’t say crap if they had a burning bag of it on their desks! What kind of games are they playing? Do they have something so hideous in their pasts that they can’t stop smiling, as the reoccurring memories are just too delicious to let go of?

Does this really affect the day’s progress?

You tell me…One guy hijacks all conversations within ear shot, no matter what the focus of the discussion. This nice person will jumps in, commandeer the conversation and wander off in the weirdest direction!

Seriously, he smiles and injects, “yeah, but, have you ever wondered what…” And continues to describe or construct a straw-man or a contention that is so full of crap, you wonder how he could pile it that high and it not slump over due to gravity.

Then, the other nice folks blindly follow the course and respond in a children-of-the-corn type monotone: “no, I never thought that…’. And off we go!

By then I just want to shove hot burning spikes deep into my ears and block it all out…

How many pleasant conversations can you have about the lovely freakin’ weather? I think I’m working with Stepford-Children-of-the-Corn people, except these clones are just comical, out of shape, real people.

I am to the point of wanting to stand up on my desk, open my blouse and while the old warm winds of truth blow over my girls; burst out with a string of coarse expletives that would make a dockworker blush, all in an attempt to bring a bit of worldly grit into play!

Next time an employer asks what I want in a company, I just might have to tell them the truth.

Peace; pass it on!

IT ALL DEPENDS ON YOUR BAGGAGE, I GUESS

A dear friend of mine [male] said that this blog was not funny and sounded very angry; not like me at all. I said that Sabertooth instead of Cougar... is funny! He countered with the fact that he'd had more than one ex-wife that he considered to be sabertooths, and that they both ripped his guts out. 

I promised him that we, as a group here at the Sabertooth Sister, are not those kinds of kitties. 
We play nice, have a laugh and stand up for ourselves... blah, blah, blah.

I do understand how he feel though. I knew his ex-wives and they were... well, let's leave well enough alone. I don't want to re-open the gates of hell, if you get my drift.


Peace and a beautiful weekend, my sisters!

Myths, and Things I just Don’t Get

I just need to clear the cobweb on this lovely Friday morning.....

Why is Boston Market still open? Boston Markets only purpose (in my opinion) is to keep all other bad restaurants from being the worst place in town.

Eyebrows that look like they were drawn on with a Sharpie. I don’t get it, but maybe I’m behind times, but I do know that soft, penciled brows are more flattering to women over 50. I’m just saying….

Walk fast, carry a clipboard and look worried, make you look important. No, it just makes you look unorganized and ill-equipped to do your job.

Copying everyone you know on all your emails makes you look important and productive. WRONG! This one really pisses me off. DO NOT copy anyone just for fun; make it count, unless it’s a really good joke.

What is that crap in the center of a Twinkie? And why does it stay on your teeth until you brush again? Yikes, I just grossed myself out.

Muffin-tops are cute. I think this one must have been made up by the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. Yes, large women certainly have the right to wear anything they want, but a fat-tire protruding through between the t-shirt and jeans, is just plain nasty.

Girls get pleasure…. from riding horses. This one was made up by some horny teenage boy trying to explain why his girlfriend would rather ride her horse than spend time with him. Anyone who believes this should take a class in anatomy.

Budgets [home or business] are written in stone
Noooooooo…. A budget is only a probability statement; not an absolute pledge. 

I’ll do my best, so, phhhtt!

THE ‘DOUCHE’

Every company, club, gym or any group… has one or more of archetype we here in the States call ‘a douche’; which in itself is unfortunate, because a douche bag serves a very useful purpose. Yours may be old or young; male or female. When the day is done, they're all egotistical, narcissistic, self-absorbed, arrogant, pompous, royal pains-in-the-ass.

Allow me to elaborate: too loud, too smiley, pontifical and rambles about theory, concepts and general nonsense. The strange and mysterious drivel falling from their lips is generally 100% erroneous, flawed, incorrect or invalid! The words, "I don't know" have never crossed their lips. They just wing it and like some monkey in a cage flinging poo at the wall in hopes some of it may stick. The claptrap has nothing in particular to do with the question at hand. They always sweep in late, just so they can complain how busy and/or overworked they are. And the most irritating part is that they always do it with a big smile and a sigh. Makes me want to go all “Leather Face” on them! 

Any organized persons knows when acting as a Facilitator (for any endeavor) you say touchy-feely things like, "What I hear you saying is…", but the silly repeats every key point that's made by anyone in a meeting; slowly while nodding in agreement. The assembled crowed rolls their eyes or checks time on their cell phones, while I’m thinking “Fire up the chainsaw!”

Probably the most worrisome trait is how the douche attempts to turn every remark into a sexual double entendre. Now, I work with some very robust and tough women and most are highly skilled in vocal bouts that would make a longshoreman blush. But, damn! Listening to a douche spouting snickering twelve year old boy’s female anatomy jokes, is just embarrassingly stupid.

Most go to their “happy place” and dream of unicorns, puppies and kittens – but all I  hear is the sounds of a revving two stroke engine, a leather mask and maybe a few screams of terror…

I feel much better now. Now, what about those puppies…..

As a wise man once said: “SOMEDAY MEANS NEVER”

 Sabertooth: when you’ve outgrown and evolved past

the cougar stage and boy-toys.

Unless it’s something like “Someday I’ll retire”, you need to get moving.

What are we all waiting for? I’m not criticizing, I’m just wondering.

Funny as it seems [even to me], I’ve always wanted a thin, Maori-type tattoo in the form of an anklet. No butterfly thingy for me, but a simple, shades of black and grey… not something bodacious or trashy, but a sweet, sophisticated anklet…

Three things: I’ve always wanted one, but I’m still without the tat, and still justifying the desire. Goofy, huh?

So why haven’t I?  I don’t know, except I know it will hurt. But hell, I went through natural childbirth, with no drugs at all, and that was in a much more tender part than an ankle. LOL!

I’m really going to look in to it, and not ‘someday’.  I mean this week! I have to plan it so it will be healed before my next big ‘do’ [Californian for soiree].

Hey, I might have one… Okay, so I have to have it done before New Years Eve.  

Anyway… although I feel Nike has human rights violations, their ‘just do it’ is right on. Want that tat? Just do it! What else, what else…

Ah, when my husband and I were in Cancun, Mexico we took a booze cruise to the Isla Mujeres. Mujeres was a small island about seven miles off shore with a restaurant right on the bay and huge sea turtles you could swim with [deep sigh]. On the boat were two women in their late sixties wearing bikinis. Yep, bikinis, tons of local costume jewelry and deep tans.

Some of the people on the boat were very disapproving; clucking like comedy church ladies. Personally, I thought it was WONDERFUL. One young-ish woman suggested they might consider wearing something more ‘age appropriate’.

They both laughed, and said: “We never have to see you people again and frankly”… then she whispered, “I don’t give a shit what you think.”

I laughed my ass off! The young-ish woman gasped and shut up for the rest of the trip. These women drank, swam with the turtles, danced and had a wonderful time! I was amazed how free they were. Everyone should be so uninhibited!

I don’t mean reckless or rude. Twenty-something women wearing bikinis is no big deal, so what’s wrong with two women in the sixties wearing the same thing?

No, they didn’t look like models, but so what; neither do 70% of young women who wear them. 

Okay, so I’m finished ranting about that. Note of caution: If you’re over 60, you might not want to walk around your own neighborhood in a bikini… I’m just saying. Save it for your vacation!

[To be continued]

LET'S GIVE THE SISTERS A BREAK

Sabertooth:  when you’ve evolved past, and out grown the  

cougar stage and boy-toys.

 
So, I’ve been told that I’m too sensitive about hairdressers, and that they ask everyone those inane questions. Is that a fact? Do they really ask a woman of 25 “Have you considered a wash/wear perm?” or “Do you still work?”

Okay, so I will lay off the hairdressers, until next time when one is condescending. It will happen; I guess it’s in their nature. All that gossiping and cattiness. Cattiness; hmmm...

Then it’s not entirely their fault. It’s because hairdressers are predominately ‘women’, and women [like it or not] are cats. Big, beautiful Sabertooth cats….

Another issue is one of listening. Every woman I know says her hairdresser ‘does not always listen’. Really? I worked with a woman who’d never had a moment of joy in her life. Well, probably. She was complaining about her haircut. I mistakenly asked what the problem was. I didn’t mean to engage her, but it just slipped out.

She said I told her I wanted ‘it over the ears’ as she gestured with her finger about half covering her ear. I smiled [and tried not to laugh] and said ‘you realize that over the ears could also mean up over the ears, just like you have.’

She looked shocked with the realization that she hadn’t explained herself properly, but countered with ‘but she’s cut my hair before.’

I smiled and as I walked about pretending my cell phone was ringing said, ‘and in between your haircuts, she’d probably cut over one-hundred other women.’ 

Yes, sometimes they don’t listen, or perhaps on occasion think they know what’s best for us, but more than likely, we don’t fully explain what we want. So if you want ‘over the ear’, demonstrate with your fingers.  ‘A little off the ends’, use your fingers again. A totally different haircut? For everyone’s sake, bring a picture.                             

Me, I have carry a picture of Sharon Stone in her famous Pixie cut in my purse, just in case I have the urge for a cut. Sharon OWNS the Pixie cut. She is my idol.

Peace.