BEWARE of EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES

I find myself these days searching for that illusive line between Positive Thinking and Self Delusion. Every time I think I’ve struck the perfect balance between the two, I find that I’m woefully wrong; especially when it comes to friends, or rather, acquaintances.

Let me explain. I’m one of those people that everyone seems to go to for validation. For some reason, my acceptance is needed to validate life itself. Sometimes I play along and bless them, however… sometimes the person neither warrants or deserves validation. Sometimes the person is just having a pity party and wants me to assure them that they are either right and life sucks, or talk them into seeing how truly gifted and marvelous they really are. Homey don’t play those games anymore, because those games can suck the life right out of you, and I will not empower emotional vampires. Say it with me: “I will not empower emotional vampires”. Believe it or not, at the moment, your probably are.

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about the ‘there are no problems, only opportunities’ bullshit. I’m talking about an intelligent, creative approach to problem solving, rather than the much too easy ‘let whoever caused the problem, solve it’. As I may have mentioned before… women are a sisterhood, and we either all succeed or we all fail. It seems too easy, why do so few people get it?

Okay, so where does that leave us? How do you keep a realistic positive attitude when the world around you is falling into the abyss? Oh, wait! That sounded rather negative, didn’t it? OMG, it’s catching! Thinking of unicorns… unicorns and puppies…… okay, I’m better.

So how do you deal with a gloom and doom husband, partner, sister, brother or imaginary friend? What do you do with the person who can fall into a pile of rose’s petals and complain that about the smell of fertilizer? How do you stop that kind of thinking from infecting your personal universe; and it will if left unchecked.

First you have to set up some rules to derail the Emotional Vampire before seeing them:

Declare your personal space a negative-free zone.

Of course you can talk about problems, but leave the emotions as the door.  

Be prepared to discuss your view of the problem; the good, the bad and the ugly.
Give credit where credit is due. Ask your vampire directly is anyone has been a help to them lately. Force them to have a positive thought.

If you are aware of a particular issue before the meeting, come with some possible solutions. Just throwing out a problem with no solution, is fodder for the EV and gives him/her a starting gun for the whole gloom and doom scenario.

 No one is allowed to sit silently, stare at the clock and sigh.

That’s a good start. We’ll go into more ideas as they come. Right now I have to string some garlic for my next EV encounter.

Peace, Strength and Patience!

THE ‘DOUCHE’

Every company, club, gym or any group… has one or more of archetype we here in the States call ‘a douche’; which in itself is unfortunate, because a douche bag serves a very useful purpose. Yours may be old or young; male or female. When the day is done, they're all egotistical, narcissistic, self-absorbed, arrogant, pompous, royal pains-in-the-ass.

Allow me to elaborate: too loud, too smiley, pontifical and rambles about theory, concepts and general nonsense. The strange and mysterious drivel falling from their lips is generally 100% erroneous, flawed, incorrect or invalid! The words, "I don't know" have never crossed their lips. They just wing it and like some monkey in a cage flinging poo at the wall in hopes some of it may stick. The claptrap has nothing in particular to do with the question at hand. They always sweep in late, just so they can complain how busy and/or overworked they are. And the most irritating part is that they always do it with a big smile and a sigh. Makes me want to go all “Leather Face” on them! 

Any organized persons knows when acting as a Facilitator (for any endeavor) you say touchy-feely things like, "What I hear you saying is…", but the silly repeats every key point that's made by anyone in a meeting; slowly while nodding in agreement. The assembled crowed rolls their eyes or checks time on their cell phones, while I’m thinking “Fire up the chainsaw!”

Probably the most worrisome trait is how the douche attempts to turn every remark into a sexual double entendre. Now, I work with some very robust and tough women and most are highly skilled in vocal bouts that would make a longshoreman blush. But, damn! Listening to a douche spouting snickering twelve year old boy’s female anatomy jokes, is just embarrassingly stupid.

Most go to their “happy place” and dream of unicorns, puppies and kittens – but all I  hear is the sounds of a revving two stroke engine, a leather mask and maybe a few screams of terror…

I feel much better now. Now, what about those puppies…..