SOMEDAY MEANS NEVER [part deux]

Men watch porn for obvious reasons.

Women watch porn all the way to the end… just to see if they get married!

Karaoke; many people say they love it. I did it once at a Christmas party after one too many cocktails. There were three of us singing ‘Hotel California’. We took an oath to never speak of it again.

This may be something you want and/or need to experience… the lights, music; the crowd. It was great until the booze wore off.  My best advice, if you are a bit shy and still want to do it, just go to another city. It would be worth the drive to abandon your real persona and let go!

And as I always say, ‘You’ll never have to see those people again’.

A friend of mine that worked in Human Resources for a large IT company, came in glowing one morning and told me she just did her first ‘open mike gig’ at a local comedy club. I was dumb founded. She was a really nice woman, but not the least bit funny!

All I could say was ‘Wow!’ She laughed and went on to tell me she’d been taking comedy lessons for about six months. I didn’t even know they existed. I just thought either you’re born funny or not. Who’d have guessed!

I asked her what kind of material she talked about; made jokes about. She said the usual, her husband, the people at work… I could feel my eyes narrowing.

Then she said, “Oh, not you; you’re not funny.” I just nodded and said, “Good to know.”

Why that bothered me, I still don’t know, but when she came by later that day to say she meant ‘not funny’ as in ‘not odd or weird’, I felt better.

“I knew what you meant,” I smiled with a hardy [and relieved] laugh.

My point is that she stepped out of her comfort zone and I applaud her for that. I never went to see her show, just in case it would put ME out of my comfort zone.

Yeah, I know…

So what else… Oh! How about hang gliding, zip line or para-sailing? Ever think about doing any of those things? I have; thought about it, that is. I went para-sailing once and it would wonderful, but not zip line or hang gliding.

I have a mature friend who went on a zip-line in a South American jungle. Sure she dislocated her shoulder and had to fly home, but she has a story to tell and retell for the rest of her life, and those a hard to come by.

Give it a try! Wouldn’t you hate to be old and incapacitated and not be able to do your ‘someday’ thing? Don’t wait - life to much too short.

Clank ‘em like you’ve got ‘em!

Let talk about EYELASH FERTILIZER!

“…Eyelash Enhancement Product…grow long, thick, and full eyelashes….”

Except... it:

• May stain skin,     
• discolor your eyes,   
• cause your lashes to fall out,
• cause blindness,

 AND, once you stop applying [the product], your lashes immediately go back their original state.

“Oh hell, yes; sign me up for that shit!”  Are you freakin’ kidding me? And there’s are more side effects, but you get the idea.

FACT:

As you age, your eyelashes tend to become thinner and a bit stiff. Most women then just pile on the mascara, leaving them with eyelashes that look more like spider legs. I know this because my daughter told me that one day. I looked in the mirror and damn, if it wasn’t true.

I’m just not the false eyelash type. I just wanted my lush, long, sexy eyelashes back! So, I went on a hunt for a safe, easy, effective answer.

I know that eyelashes are not really ‘hair’ like the hair on your head. They’re classified as more of a fur. Yep, just like on your puppy. But for our purpose, hair if close enough.

ROOT CAUSE ANALYSIS: 

If I had dry, brittle hair, what would I do? Not to hard to conclude, I’d condition it. You could put some hair conditioner on your clean lashes while you’re in the shower, but when I tried this, it got in my eyes and burned like hell. So the search continued….

I tried several things. I remembered that my mother said that she’d used petroleum jelly on her eyelashes then brush them with a clean eyelash brush, when she was a teenager. I tried it only once. Yeah it goes on and brushes nicely, but washing it off so that mascara will stay on, was a bitch!

Something moisturizing, but lighter….  Then I found Shay Butter [not the heavy grease, but the cream [or something like it].  EUREKA!  

DISCLAIMER:

I do not have stock in Shay Butter or represent them in any way.

Every product, routine and scheme claims to be a miracle, but I swear on my Sabertooth kitty paw, that this works for me.

So, I put a light smear on my index finger and applied it in an upward motion on my upper eyelashes, then ‘brush 5 or 6 times’ with a clean, mascara brush from an empty mascara wand. These are very handy to keep around for many uses.

I tried upper and lower at once, and it tended to get in my eyes. Now I do uppers two night a week and lowers… a lot less; about twice a month. No one wants long lower lashes. Picture that; I mean, really, picture that! Creepy…!

In the morning, simply wash it off the same way you normally wash your face, and you’re ready for mascara.

Give it a try and report back here to your sisters!

Mwaaaa!

TRANSFORMING THOUGHTS...

I've had these 'thoughts' forever. I ran across them again, while looking for something totally unrelated. Whatever, whoever they came from -- kudos!!

Read them; I mean really read them.They are truly transforming. 

  

• What you expect, tends to happen

• Imagination is more powerful than knowledge

• Every thought and emotion has a physical reaction [I feel]

• Belief programmed will remain until it’s replaced

• Less conscious effort, the more subconscious mind will respond [I am, not I don’t]

• Each new program makes later programs easier accept [is it for my best?]

• Your body will produce what your mind believes

• Your mind seeks validation for previous beliefs [so expect the best]

 PEACE

A MOMENT OF ZEN….

I was perfectly happy doing long contracts as a Project Manager, but as someone once said: the profession was a changin,. No need to go in to how exactly, most managers of any kind know what I’m talking about.

I had the work, but I was enjoying it less and less, as were most of the project managers I know. I did volunteering with homeless groups in my spare time, wishing I had more.

Then I got a contract with a company I’ll call Wonderland… almost too good to be true. Everyone really liked each other and they only wanted nice people who really liked other nice people… What the heck, I’m a people person; or so I thought.

It didn’t take long to find out that Wonderland wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Yes, the staff or Stepford-Children-of-the-Corn as they turned out to be, are just fine; on the surface. Well, as fine as twisted demons from hell can be, I guess. And nice was a façade covering a ‘I really hate my job, but I’m making a shit-pot full of money, so I’ll just pretend with a big fat plastic smile’.

It’s a funny story that all started about a year ago…

My massive storage development project [I inherited]  was thriving and moving towards the second phase closure right on time. Hooray for us; right? Wrong. It came to light in a great Moses-on-the-mountain moment that the next four phases did not have a chance in hell of making the pull-it-out-of-your-ass deadline.

My decision was to alert the corporate relationship manager. He simply said to make it work and don’t tell the client.

Ah, postpone bad new and make it worse, I thought to myself.

What about the weekly report with bogus dates? I asked innocently.

“Go with the old dates”, came the answer.

“Ya’ know, being a credentialed project manager and generally an honest person… I’m  really not comfortable with deliberately misleading the client,” says I.

“It’s not misleading! It’s more like you’re just not telling the client all the material facts.”

“And just how is that different than misleading?”

“Just go with the old dates,” I was told firmly.

Rather than overtly lie, I prefaced my report with, ‘as per the schedule’… I wasn’t proud of it but I took comfort in the fact that I wasn’t really lying… I needed the job and I was making a shit-pot full of money….

So, just about the time I convinced myself that we’d somehow break the news to the client and everything was going to be okay, the unthinkable struck. We found out that project-wise, the Queen Mary just fell through the cracks.

No sign -off’s by those who should have known? No, all the signatures were in place.

Weak business requirements?

 Don’t know, I took the project over a year and a half in and it was made clear that I did not own the relationship, the corporate relationship manager did.

Then what?

Maybe it’s a case of ‘you don’t know what you don’t know’. Unfortunately it happens all too often and there is really nothing you can do, except to have built an open and trusting relationship with your client that can whether bad news.

It’s a good plan, but certainly was not in place on this project (hey, remember I didn’t own the relationship!).

My first thought was gather all the facts, including Risks with possible solution, estimated correction timeline and present it to the client; you know the usual, and go from there.

I left the relationship manager a clear and concise message. He did not call me back, but sent me an email stating that my presence on the project was no long required.

WTF?

It was clear that the corporate policy of ‘lie and deny’ was in full force and effect, and they knew I would be a stumbling block. My feeling is that this is the new age corporate business model.

I cannot… no, will not function that way, so I’m thinking about something different [ideally, non-profit] and only part-time. I can use all my organization, documenting and common sense skills and in some small way, possibly make a difference.

Even when I do go back to work, I will not give up my volunteering.  I really love it, and seriously, the need is great now than ever.    

Peace, Love and Acceptance

FEELING LIKE CRAP?

I know that sometimes it feels like the whole universe is conspiring against you. At least I do. But keep in mind, that is never an excuse to crap on family or friends just to make yourself feel a little better. Did I hear someone mutter 'bullshit'?

Think about it. Its the human-nature-trickle-down [not theory], but reality.
Or the 'bitchiness is catching' paradigm.

Feel like crap? Then go the gym. I'm starting this morning; I swear! I will take it out on the equipment and by summer, I might even get into my not-so-chubby-jeans.

Love ya', mean it!